Things that are Sweet, Fluffy and Not at all Controversial

Well ho bloody hum, blog readers. You’re lucky I am here at all. Finding no less than three separate people upset by my ramblings yesterday, I am considering shutting this platform down and taking my ramblings elsewhere where I can no longer be found. Why do I even write under a pseudonym? That’s right, Alyce Vayle is not my real name. It’s your name too. This is your platform after all. Last month this blog was read by 8000 people worldwide, so I don’t want to shut it down for the sake of a few itchy people in Sydney.

What stuff do people like reading about the most?

Well, my most popular posts have been about:

• The best BMI
• Portia de Rossi’s bulimia
• How to lose weight with miso soup
• The posts where my past relationship was imploding here and here
• This post about my boobs
• And how to tell your fortune with playing cards

I know, I’m surprised too about what people like to read about. I write organically. My job is a fulltime copywriter, so all day I write text that is not my own. This platform is where I express myself, for the pure joy of expressing myself. If you don’t like my blog – there are many others online. Yes, I rant. Yes, I rave. This blog makes me no money and it’s a philosophical platform to share my ideas.

And you know what? You can start your own blog too! I began this one in November 2012 so it is only 10 months old. I spend about 12 hours a week on this blog, writing, uploading, taking photos and managing comments. I spend a lot of time on this place to call my own. The topics that are popular are not determined by me, I could care less about Portia de Rossi, but people want to know about her, or so it seems.

I recommend blogging – but you must be able to spend time on it. If you want any help, ask me a question and I can tell you what I know about it. I am no expert. I cannot even code. BUT – I can write and that’s one of the things you’ll need to be able to do. Guh! I’m doing it again – getting all narky on you. I don’t care what you do. Go and do your own thing if you don’t like my blog. I’m sorry if I rant and rave.

Anyhoo.

In the light of my recent narkiness and self-importance, I have decided to devote a whole blog post to things that are sweet, fluffy and not at all controversial. Here we go.

Bunnies

Sweet and fluffy, everyone likes bunnies. They are great at Easter, lovely as pets, provided you don’t want a pet that will love you back. Yes, it’s true. Bunnies do not like people. They also shake quite a bit, as some warm-blooded animals shiver to generate more heat when they get cold. There are many interesting studies on brown adipose tissue and how new born rabbits respond to cold. Many people think they shiver because they are scared. They are just warming themselves up and generating heat.

Bunnies are never controversial, always nice. Except when they are found in plague proportions and invade countries and get sore, weepy eyes and myxomatosis. Oh no! Even bunnies can be controversial! What else can we talk about?

Fluffy chickens

Yes, I love fluffy chickens too. Sweet and yellow, they make a really cute noise when they cheep cheep cheep. Where I live there is a big show at Easter where you can go and see many little fluffy chicks walking up ramps and generally looking very cute. Everyone loves fluffy chickens, they are never controversial.

Except when the baby chicks are euthanatized at birth. Only females are valuable to farmers, so all the boy chicks are gassed to death. Jamie Oliver showed this live on TV. The audience was appalled, but if you eat eggs, this is your business. Yes, even baby chickens can be controversial too. Oh no! What else?

Dandelions

Oh we all love dandelions, because we can make a wish. When I was a little girl these were prolific in Canberra where I lived. I used to love blowing the little spores and seeing if I could get them all off with one big, blow. Usually I could not. The real name of the dandelion is the taraxacum, which isn’t nearly as appealing. Giving things nicer names to make them more appealing is nothing new. A gorgeous landmark in Australia – The Three Sisters were given that name to make them more appealing, In fashion, Agyness Deyn was born Laura Michelle Hollins and changing her name on the advice of a numerologist basically began her modelling career.

Dandelions are never controversial, unless you suffer from hay fever. Lots of people are actually allergic to these lovely little plants. A warning: If you are allergic to dandelion, drinking dandelion root tea may induce a severe allergic reaction. You may develop sores along the inside of your mouth. Severe breathing difficulties, such as shortness of breath, chest tightness or wheezing may also occur in dandelion-sensitive people who drink this type of tea. (source).

So – as you can see, even sweet, fluffy things can be controversial.

If you don’t like my blog, or you are bothered by my ranting and general tone of voice, here are some other blogs for you to try:

• Penelope Trunk – she started Brazen Careerist and she now lives on a farm. Her asperger’s will make my writing seem like a cheery walk in the park. Read her blog please.
• Oh She Glows – Angela Liddon takes great photos and blogs about health and vegan food. No ranting, or next to none.
• Bhardwazbhardwaz – is a friend of mine and an excellent blogger. He does not rant and is very gentle, kind and gives some very interesting information.

OK? There you go. Let’s not discuss this any further. Good night.