My Big Boobs: Why They’re Not as Great as You Think

I just went and spent a whole bunch of money on something I really needed: new knickers and bras. I have double D boobs – that’s code for “big”. My body is a medium size ten and my bust is not out of proportion, but I am definitely a busty woman: I have been informed that “Baby Got Front”; I am the proud owner of some “Lovely Lady Lumps” and I can’t leave the house without “Aunty Barbara”.

Teen Tits and Judy Blume

When I was a teen Judy Blume was all the rage. I had her book Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret which traces a twelve year old’s progression through puberty, including growing breasts and getting her period. I remember that my year five teacher, Miss Taylor, read the book aloud to our class over the course of a few weeks or months.

Girls Hitting Puberty Younger

I was obsessed. At age 11 I was already starting to get a bust, and I also started my periods. I didn’t feel young at all, and I couldn’t wait to reach womanhood. There are studies that indicate now that girls are reaching puberty earlier, with some starting as early as seven or eight years old. A nine year old girl in Mexico just gave birth to a baby last week.

CNN reports that, “More than 10 percent of white 7-year-old girls in the study, which was conducted in the mid-2000s, had reached a stage of breast development marking the start of puberty, compared to just 5 percent in a similar study conducted in the early 1990s”.

Experts are not entirely sure what is causing this phenomenon, with everything from hormones to obesity and preservatives being blamed.

Mum’s Boobs

Going back to Judy Blume – I also had her “Teen Diary” which was a great way for the publishers of her book to make more money off their wilting teen audience. It was basically a blank book filled with questions about your teenage goals and dreams, with many splatterings of stars, hearts and sparkles across the pages.

There was one section I remember well, you had to list positive attributes of both your parents (it was the early nineties so the publishers assumed kids to have a mother and a father who were likely to be married) and then you had to list which three of the attributes you admired in them you’d like for yourself. I remember what I put as top of the list for my mother.

I would like to be BUSTY like my mother

Little did I know that it would be annoying and unfashionable. Yes, you heard me. Big boobs are unfashionable. I have no idea why anyone would want to get a boob job when having a large bust prevents you from wearing certain things, and can be challenging for dressing.

Big Boobs are Not Fashionable

I remember a great quote from Paris Hilton (remember her?) where she spoke very highly of her smaller bust line. “I like how mine are, I don’t like big boobs,” she said, comparing her breasts to Jessica Simpson, saying that Jessica’s larger chest is unattractive.  “I think they’re too … big,” she said.

Big Costs for Big Busts

So anyway, I just spent a whopping $159.90 on two simple bras. When you have bigger boobs, you need to spend money on quality, because anything inefficient will not be comfortable. If I find a bra that I like, I usually go out and buy two. Plus I need to buy new bras every six months, because my boobs put the poor things through hell- the fabric and clasps have to work very hard just to keep things together.

A Bra for Every Occasion

I even wear a bra around the house, because it’s uncomfortable not to. I even have a series of “house bras” which are softer and more comfortable than my work bras. Then I have lacy “going out bras”, matching underwear sets for when I need to look sexy and then a couple of hard-core, industrial-strength, double-reinforced sports bras, without which I would be able to run without knocking myself out.

What I need in a bra:

  • No padding
  • Thick straps (but not old lady)
  • Underwire
  • Triple clasps at the back
  • Tightly adjustable straps
  • Balconette separation for my boobs
  • No itchy, cheap fabric

What do you like in a bra? Is it different to me?

 

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