This is What Happens When I Have a Meltdown

So I nearly had a meltdown today. I feel that my threshold for frustration is quite low. In short – I am feeling too busy, drained and really, really tired. But my life is really great, things are awesome. I am just a bit frazzled. There is lots of stuff going on.

When I am feeling low and tired, I find it harder to control my emotions.

I had just come back from a long and complicated conversation at the bank with a well-meaning person who I was having trouble communicating with because of their experience level, age and accent. In short, I would have gained a better resolution had I asked for banking advice from my best mates’ 1 year old. It took nearly an hour and I left feeling like I wanted to stick my head through a plate glass window.

Not literally of course. That would suck to clean up. Plus I’m a woos. That’s Australian for “Massive Big Fat Baby.” The word rhymes with Puss (as in Pussy) for those overseas who are interested.

So I get back to my desk (thankfully after a massive hug from my fave person) and I am feeling better. But then a well meaning colleague marches right up to my desk.

It is a lovely lady who I have been avoiding in the office, simply because I am so busy and I have no time to meet new people. I know, I know. I sound horrible. Of course I do have time. I just don’t have the emotional space to take on anything new right now.

Sigh. I do not expect you to feel sorry for me.

So this colleague comes up to my desk and…

…offers to make me a cup of coffee. Then she lets me vent about the frustrating bank thingy. Then she says goodbye. It’s moments like these that make me happy to be alive, and restore my faith in the goodness of the world.

What happens when I have a meltdown:

  • I get really hot and I have to take off my jacket
  • My hair feels like it is in my face and I have to tie it up
  • My voice goes higher
  • I start to twitch
  • I get bossy and I interrupt people (more than usual)
  • If really annoyed, I will stomp away
  • Then feel sheepish and return

The good news is, I have been having fewer meltdowns as I age. I think you reach a certain point where you realise that life is too short. I have written before about my bad manners and how I am trying to be a little more calm.

Stress. I have suffered from it my whole life. The Boyf told me that I tend to put too much pressure on myself, which is completely true. If I don’t have anything to stress about, I invent something to stress about. It is not an efficient way to live.

So what’s wrong with me? I am committing to change. The good news is that we all change every day, don’t we? The notion that I will change is a reality, it’s up to me to work out how I change. I have made some healthy lifestyle changes recently, and I am feeling much better. I feel truly grateful now for all the good stuff in my life. I am surrounded by wonderful friends, family and colleagues. I feel inspired by life. I feel excited by the future.

I will probably continue to have meltdowns, but hopefully they won’t be as distressing as they have been in the past.

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