A Perfect Day of Eating? What Bollocks!

I found an article online, talking about The Perfect Day of Eating. To read the original article, go here. It was written by a bloke, so it doesn’t surprise me that it’s very unspecific and completely omits portion sizes. Plus, I think it’s quite unrealistic and assumes the reader to be some sort of angelic health nut, rather than an actual person who likes food.

Here is The Perfect Eating Plan and My Critique of it.

(Please note, I am not a nutritionist, but I bloody well should be.)

Morning: Wake with a green tea.

Comment: Where’s ma coffee? Are you serious? Why torture me for no reason. Coffee is calorie free you dimwit, plus it curbs appetite. Your green tea can go and get stuffed.

Breakfast: Wholegrain toast with avocado spread on top, ground black pepper, and a boiled egg.

Comment: As I have mentioned, how many calories are in a slice of bread? There is no answer. What bread should I be eating? Can’t you be more specific?

Avocado? “With avocado spread on top”. So how much? A quarter, a half? This is a potential calorie minefield. One whole, medium avocado has 330 calories. A large one has 412 calories, according to famous calorie site, Calorie King. (I recommend calorie king because they have sites specific to my country, check for yours). Without clear instruction, this ‘perfect’ breakfast could cause me to easily go 100-200 calories overboard without meaning to.

Plus – this breakfast would take about 10 or 15 minutes to prepare, particularly if you do not have a microwave or toaster (hey, I told you I am a minimalist!)

Lunch: Wrap filled with capsicum, cucumber, rocket, tomato, with lean slices of lamb (if no protein leftovers from last night, choose slice of cheddar cheese or a can of tuna) and a yoghurt and dill spread.

Comment: cold lamb for lunch. Blergh. No one wants to eat that. And I have had it up to here with wraps. Awful, pathetic excuses for real bread if you ask me, and no fewer calories in them at all. Eschew wraps! Embrace the loaf! Reinvite white bread to your table. Live a little. Again, here the author doesn’t mention the size or amount of the lamb or tuna. Again, it would be really easy to overeat here.

What are the portions of this meal? Without portions, I estimate that this meal could fall somewhere between 250 and 450 calories. And what the hell is a yoghurt and dill spread? The author writes it like it’s a thing we should all have in our fridges at home. The only spread I have in my fridge at home is an old jar of tandoori paste that someone left there, years ago. Can I use that instead? No?

Snack: Cucumber slices and carrot sticks dipped in hummus.

Comment: Again – how much hummus? How many cucumbers? 1 medium cucumber has 60 calories. Can I eat 3 of them with my hummus? I’d probably want to make up for the crappy lack of taste in this snack. If I eat 3 cucumbers and 2 tablespoons of hummus, I may as well get a McDonald’s cheeseburger. In fact, I am getting one right now.

Dinner: Tasmanian salmon on a bed of organic quinoa mixed with finely sliced cooked broccoli and raw spinach, mixed with cherry tomatoes, and dressed with extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice. The quinoa is spiced with turmeric, garlic, and chilli powder.

Comment: Again – how much salmon, how much quinoa? How many movies has Quinoa made and which was the one he starred in opposite Brad Pitt? So many unanswered questions…

Late night snack: Two dark chocolate (+70% cocoa) squares is OK and is actually good for you. Or try a small bowl of unsalted popcorn mixed with walnuts and sultanas.

Comment: Finally! Some portions. Thank GOD I can now estimate my calories. The chocolate would give me about 75 calories and the popcorn would give me 27 calories on its own. But how many walnuts? How many sultanas? Why would I want walnuts in my popcorn? Are you MAD? Have you gone crazy? You put SALT on popcorn not walnuts. Who writes these things? Do they live on the same planet as us?

Sigh.

I think you all know by now that I have become frustrated with these sort of eating plans my whole life. In order for a diet to work, you need to be given calorie-controlled amounts, particularly if you have a lot of weight to lose. This plan is completely useless and very over-complicated. It may have made you feel good reading it – but you won’t eat like this.

I am in bed now

Plus, to eat like this, you’d need fifty bucks in your wallet and about 4 spare hours to shop, cook, prepare and pack. While you are doing this I am still asleep, in bed, thinking about my next McMuffin. Sucker.