Stop being so hard on yourself and stop self-sabotaging

It’s not easy being human. Last week – I had the pleasure of meeting two newly-minted humans. A delightful new baby girl and a gurgling and gorgeous baby boy. Barely hours out of the womb – these little humans had so much personality, even though they had not really done much yet. They were so new, they just lay around, looking gorgeous.

Life can be harsh – even at the very beginning!

But they have little problems. You look at a new born baby and all these expressions play on their little faces. Even as the air moves through their little bodies, they are affected. When they cry – they are really upset. The earth is a harsh place to be! How many times in life do you wish that you could just crawl back into the womb of the world and disappear?

Life is tough. It ain’t easy. Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves and this gets us nowhere. I would like to make an appeal for everyone who is being overly harsh to themselves today to stop it. Just stop it for one minute and give yourself a break!

Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes we learn much more from our mistakes than we do our achievements. If you’ve been making lots of mistakes lately, then, congratulations – you have been learning a lot.

The “Are you too hard on yourself” test

How do you know if you are too harsh on yourself? You could try doing this test by the Psychologies UK website called ARE YOU TOO HARD ON YOURSELF? I gave it a go and got “You are ALWAYS giving yourself a hard time”.

“You are quick to assume blame — a bit too quick. You blame yourself too much, too often. You feel guilty about things in advance of doing them and indebted to people before they have even helped you out.”

What is self-sabotage?

According to Psychology Today: “Behaviour is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviours are procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating in the face of weight concerns, and self-injury such as cutting.”

Successful people often sabotage themselves

Over my life, I have had the benefit of meeting lots of successful people, even a few minor celebrities here in Australia. I noticed that one very successful person (quite well known to the media) had a tendency to self-sabotage. As far as I knew, he did not turn to drugs or alcohol, but every time an important meeting came up, his body would shut down and he would get very sick and not be able to attend.

Another blogger I know is into sports modelling and fitness. She spent months sculpting her body with a strict fitness regime and bland diet to the point where she was accepted to compete in the US. Once she got there, having funded the journey by getting sponsors on board, she too fell sick and struggled to compete. She got up on stage but did not perform at her best.

Are you afraid of success? Do you think you don’t deserve success?

Sometimes when we are just about to make a breakthrough – we start to get scared. This can sometimes happen on a very deep level – even subconsciously. There is an expression, “It’s always darkest before the dawn” so if things are tough for you right now – don’t be too worried – you may be about to make a personal breakthrough.

Here are some ways to stop being so harsh with yourself:

1. Watch your internal monologue, push negative thoughts aside – they have no power over you
2. Use a mantra, “I am worthy, I am valued”, or something else that resonates with you
3. Imagine yourself as a friend. Comfort yourself with the care you show to others
4. Do things that make you feel good about yourself
5. Think about the things you have done right, not just the things you got wrong
6. Realise that nobody is perfect and you are entitled to your flaws
7. Take a day off from your internal dialogue, re-set yourself

Do you have a problem with being too harsh with yourself? What do you do to stop it?