What Your Bad Fashion Trend Says About You
Clothes: every year we have new trends that come out. I have to admit that I have been a victim to a few of the below trends of the last few seasons, some successfully, some not so successfully.
But what does your fashion trend really say about you? Here are the top 10 sins of the last seasons and what the wearers are really thinking!
Glasses when you don’t need them
I am a fashion victim. I don’t care if these make my nose look big. I don’t care if I don’t attract a man tonight – I am far too cool to care about looking hot. I kind of jump on trends, but usually a bit too late. I may have brown hair now, but my balayage is hiding the blondeness within. I don’t care that every second person is wearing this trend, in fact, it make me feel as if I fit in. I am waaaay more serious than you ever thought.
Very high pants
My mum wore low slung pants, but unlike her, I am preppy, I am together, I have a tall vagina. I don’t need low slung pants to make me look cool. I am cool within. I have wedged these pants up so high that you can see the contours of my lady parts, but that just ads to the appeal. Everything you once thought was so outré is now so here, so now, so me!
Over the knee boots
I don’t care what you think about my fashion – I am here to impress the lads and nothing more. I may have sexy legs, I may not – either way, that’s not going to stop me from rocking these great boots. I can tell what you’re thinking – you’re wondering what’s beneath my skirt, aren’t you? Is it Hello Kitty underwear or maybe a mesh thong? Maybe I’ve grown things out or opted for the landing strip? You want to find out don’t you? That’s why I wore these boots.
I just didn’t want to spend more than $100, OK? In fact, I didn’t really want to think too long and hard about this tatt at all – which is why I elected to get it on my back – so I don’t have to see it. The best thing about it is that when it fades, I’m going to have a greenish-grey splodge of indiscernible scribble on my body – and that’s the best case scenario. I hope my kids grow up to be tatt lovers too!
Ridiculously Short Shorts
You think I look like a tramp? Really? I can’t see why?! These pants are great, and when I’m not wearing them, they double up as a headband to keep my root-job in check. The guys all love these shorts, especially sexy when my cellulite is visible for all to see. Cottage cheese aint never looked so good hunny! Of course it can be a little breezy down there – but I don’t care – strange people have been following me wherever I go!
Thank god these are back in fashion again! They make me walk like Frankenstein, and they’re also super-comfy! I think that all the guys love them, but I couldn’t be more wrong! Neither the sexiness of a heel nor the comfort of a flat shoe, these wedges polarise everyone by being the shoe that time forgot. These babies come back every second season or two, but should have been left to die in the 70s along with Pucci.
Ok, so I’m not Liz Hurley. I’m not even Jordan. I just like white pants, OK? They make me feel like I am on holiday, at a tropical destination! I love that they go with all my other clothes, and give me an instant fresh-feeling! Some people tell me like I look like a ageing club kid form the late 90s, but I know they’re just seriously jealous! And as for claims that these white pants make me look hefty? Outrageous! What could be more slimming than clingy white pants?
I’m quirky, OK? I just can’t express myself properly in standard hosiery, which is why I need to express myself with these abominable bird-legs. I think it’s especially great how they mis-match my dress so totally. If you look closely – I resemble Peter Pan, or a lost high-school Shakespeare student who was supposed to play someone in a Midsummer Night’s Dream.
Bikinis as outwear
I don’t need a beach, I’m happy in my swimwear walking down the street. I may not have a perfect body, but this doesn’t bother me; I want to show it off, and I want you to see me in all my glory. Hitting forty has been no deterrent so far, and I see no need to cover up. In fact, I don’t live anywhere near the beach – I live in the suburbs. The closest I got to tropical waters was when my blender exploded the last time I tried to make a mango daiquiri.
I don’t care about fashion, hell, I don’t even care about looking presentable. I actually wore these shoes to my sister’s wedding, I blended right in with our four year old Estonian cousin. I may not get into any clubs, but if there’s a mountain that needs to be climbed, mark my words, I will do marginally better than you.