How to let go of your ex and let go of resentment

A while ago, I went through a bad break up. At the time, I actually questioned if my heart was breaking. For a few weeks, I felt like I was about to have a heart attack. There was a persistent pain in my chest. My chest actually ached and I felt short of breath. I could barely eat. Sleep was difficult.

Best thing ever that ever ever happened to me.

While I was deep in this emotional upheaval – I was full of grief. I mourned the loss of that relationship. I wished that my ex was dead – because having him somewhere alive and not loving me was unbearable. Unbearable! I know that sounds awful, but forgive me while I grieve.  Now I am happy that he’s still somewhere on the planet – because this way I never, ever have to think about him.

I moved on. For the first time ever in my life – I went through the break up. I suffered the emotions I needed to. Some days I could barely breathe – but I showed up at work with clean clothes, a washed face and a steely determination that even though this joker had taken so much from me – that I was still a valuable, worthy person who deserved some happiness.

It worked.

Within only a few weeks – I was over him. Truth be told, I will never get over the emotional scars I suffered and I try to let go of anger every day. I know that any resentment I hold will just poison me. So every day, I try to let go of any anger I hold. It does me no good. He cannot hurt me now. He cannot hurt me ever again. I am no longer in love with him.

I always questioned whether it would be possible for me to ever fall out of love. I am a very loving person, and I feel things deeply. But I am here to tell you folks – it is possible to get over your ex. I have walked the road – and I have done it. Truly! I honestly couldn’t care too hoots about this person now. The only thing I know is that he would be miserable. He was miserable while we were together, he was miserable when we met and he would still be miserable now. That’s how he lives his life. That’s what he wants.

But this post is not about him. He may not even exist – who knows?

Most of us have exes out there somewhere. Those people that left us, lied to us, cheated on us, stole form us, hurt us, disrespected us…

Those utter bastards. Those idiotic pricks. The men and women who told us that we were not good enough in one way or another. Those doubters. Those vile betrayers. Those thieves.

And to our current and future partners – I say – bless you. Thank you for arriving and for making us whole again. For filling us with your love and for starting a new chapter.

And to everyone who is still waiting – have faith. I am here to tell you that everything will be OK.

2 Comments

  • Steve says:

    Been there, done that one. The hardest part is getting to the point of caring about them again. I know this sounds crazy but to truly be whole means to love those who don’t love you. That way there are no empty holes that need to be filled. So when the right person comes along they aren’t compared to your last. It was the hardest lesson I ever had to learn.

    • Alyce Vayle says:

      Hi Steve-

      Thanks so much for your comments. You are so right – I know that this is the step I am missing but I will get there eventually – I am still letting go of some unhealthy anger – but time does heal all wounds. Since my ex walked out of my life – it has gone from strength to strength. I should wish the same for him – I’m just not big enough yet. I will get there eventually. “No empty holes to be filled” – how very apt.

      Thanks again and have a great day.

      –Alyce

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