Things men do that turn women off: how to flirt effectively

Do you turn women off when you talk to them? Do ladies give you a wide berth? Are you trying to date people but keep striking out? Could it be your technique that’s the problem? Far too often men do things that inadvertently turn women off. Usually these things are easy enough to rectify with a few simple tweaks. Have a look at this list below and see if you’re making any of these mistakes.

Being too leery

Staring at a lady is fine, if you do it in the right way. An appreciative glance is fine, even a second look in some cases, but never look creepy, stare at her boobs or butt or spend overly long checking her up and down.

Being too forward

Play the game. Flirting is a game and should be fun and enjoyed by both parties. Being straight up is fine, so long as you ask questions in a respectable, respectful way. Try to be playful. Don’t simply say, “Do you have a boyfriend?” but say, “I am assuming that someone as lovely and witty as you are would be taken, am I correct?”


Not going through due process

It’s step by step. First, make eye contact. Then wait for her to look back at you. Approach with a simple question, ask directions, the time, advice on where to get a decent coffee. Strike up a conversation if she seems open to it. Then (and only then) venture to ask her out, or see if she’s open to receiving your phone number or business card. Don’t skip the steps.

Expecting too much

Always offer to take a lady out on a proper date – never ask her if she’d like to come over to your house for dinner. It’s far too forward. Dinner does not have to be at a top restaurant but it should be somewhere you have researched and planned ahead. It should not be somewhere you took your ex-girlfriend.

Having poor hygiene

This is one of the most important things. You do not need expensive designer threads or three hundred dollar shoes. Have a clean shirt on (collared is best), clean pants, neat shoes and groom your facial hair. Spend some time to make sure you smell sweet and have clean teeth and nails.


Having poor manners

Be nice! Address her by name, give her genuine compliments, hold open the door, let her out of the elevator first, open her car door, pick her up for the date and listen to her when she talks – that’s the most important and effective thing you can do. Don’t drink too much, swear too much or be rude and obnoxious.

Save sensitive information for later

I once went out with a guy who told me he hated his mother and had previously attempted suicide on the first date! This is out of line. Of course this sort of information can and should come out in a relationship, but not after you know each other better. FYI I gave him a second (and third) chance, but my instincts were right – he was a needy nutcase.

Being disingenuous

The most important thing to do when trying to connect with a lady is to be your genuine self. Don’t lie, embellish the truth or cheat on your current girlfriend or wife. Be the best you that you ca be and you’ll attract somebody into your life that shares your morals and life goals. Be bold, brave and honest and reap the rewards of an honest connection.

What do you think of my points? Do you agree or disagree? Is there anything I have missed? Tell me in the comments below!

  1. Quinton
    February 2, 2017

    A man who wants to be in a relationship with a woman has to first make the following decision… “Am I a fisherman? Or, am I a marine biologist?” Meaning… am I interacting with this woman for my own benefit, or for her benefit? It gets at the type of person you are, deep down inside, which can’t easily be changed, but can be changed with some level of spiritual effort, etc.

    1. February 15, 2017

      Hi Quinton,

      What a great comment, and so true. When we love, fully, and with our heart, we really do want the best for the other person; we put their needs above our own because to see them happy makes us happy. Thank you for your lovely insights and I wish you all the best in all your relationships!
      —Love, Alyce

  2. Quinton
    February 2, 2017

    (Continued) Everyone has goals and a trajectory toward meeting those goal. Some want to be scholars, some want to be gangsta’s, etc. And, we all work toward achieving those goals. Even people who have no goals–have the goal of drifting. If a man wants to benefit a woman he meets, he needs to find out–early on–what her goals are, what her trajectories are, and if–honestly speaking–he will be a catalyst that speeds her up, or one that slows her down. Then it gets “worse.” In many instances, the woman’s loved ones have their own goals and plans and desired trajectory for her. So, the man needs to find out–early on, before there is any real physical or emotional stuff–what her loved ones desires are for her future, to what extent he will fit in with those, and how does she feel about the gap between what they want for her, and what he is capable of doing/being for her. I vote for the “marine biologist,” every time. …every time. Women aren’t stupid. They can tell if a guy is deep or shallow (a fisherman or a marine bio..). They may not want to admit it to themselves, but they know. So, don’t scam them, and you can have good relationships that last forever–because you’re a straight-up guy. Follow the -new golden rule- “Do unto women as you would have them do unto your sister.”

    1. February 15, 2017

      Hi again Quinton,

      Yes, you are right and I agree that we need to consider the future, as well as the present, in romantic affairs. However, you can’t think about it too much! We can make all the plans in the world and some will work out and some will not – and we can’t be burdened by that. There are some “love rats” out there, for sure, some “scammers” as you call them. I dated a total scammer for 2 years – his only goal was to use and abuse me, for his own personal entertainment and gain. He was a sad person with not much in his life and I put up with these antics because I truly believed he imagined a future together (when he really did not!). Check out my post 7 signs you’re dating an asshole

      Thanks again and talk soon. Alyce

  3. Quinton
    February 2, 2017

    Sorry.. I meant to say, “…as you would have other men do unto…”

    1. February 15, 2017


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