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Friendship Hate Relationships

How to deal with a drama queen | Healing toxic relationships

September 29, 2019 by Alyce Vayle No Comments

Have you ever had to deal with a drama queen? It might sound fun, but let me tell you, it’s not! There are some people in life who go through their days causing disruption and dramas wherever they go. Usually these people are lacking in their personal relationships, and often feel victimised by others. Drama is their way of bringing attention to their problems, and instigating some sort of mechanism to get them what they want. Drama queens are more often than not very selfish people.

I dated a drama queen for a while, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. This man would create a drama, fan the flames, then retreat to a mountaintop where he would be unreachable, but would continue to fan the flames from afar. Why would he do this? He was a narcissist and an emotional vampire and I think it gave him some sort of perverse thrill. He was an underachiever, was lacking in his life, and this drama was a way for him to not only feel important, but like the victim, which he loved. Most (if not all) his relationships were toxic.

Why do drama queens cause drama?

When we experience a drama in our life, there is a level of excitement, even if the drama is ‘bad’ like an emotional argument with someone. People’s emotions are fueled by excitement, and like the bully in the playground who didn’t care if he got negative or positive feedback, drama and excitement fuel something we need within us. We are attached to drama when things have gotten too dull, or we need an emotional kick-start.

Emotional vampires need this more than most. They drain others’ energies to feed their own. When they create a drama, it makes them feel good. Drama might make them feel powerful. Drama queens often pick fights with others. This way they can fight with someone, and draw more of that person’s energy to feed their own. They suck the living life right out of you and it gives them a kick.

Drama queens will cause drama because it feeds them and makes them feel powerful. Creating drama is a way for them to sap your energy and harness it for themselves.

How should I deal with a drama queen?

The first and most important rule is that you should avoid becoming close friends with people you have identified as drama queens. Sure, they might be a bit of fun in an extended friendship group but being too close to a drama queen will make your life a living hell. They will always want to be the centre of attention, there will always be something going wrong in their lives that they have to make sure everyone attends to, and they might be getting into trouble, getting into fights, or causing other types of problems. The worst part is – they will drag you down with them.

Drama queens will take you down in their drama

Don’t be fooled – that is exactly what they are trying to do. Drama queens are trying to take you down because they are bored, unfulfilled, and jealous people who have little in their lives to make them feel good. They only feel good when you feel bad – so they are actively trying to find ways to make you feel down.

Drama queens use drama as a mechanism to make themselves feel powerful. Read my post 7 signs that you’re dating an asshole for a few more tips on destructive, toxic relationships. “Assholes have trouble staying honest, because they are used to looking after number one: themselves. They will lie, cheat and steal to make sure that they get the best in life and everyone else gets the scraps. In the end, they are really only lying and cheating themselves.” The same can be said for drama queens – get them out of your life!

Should I heal a drama queen relationship or just leave?

Most drama queens will never change, so it’s best to just get them out of your life. Drama queens often know (at heart) that they are drama queens but fail to realise that their behavior is toxic and harmful.

You might find yourself in a relationship with a drama queen (I did, a male drama queen at that) but more often than not you’ll find a drama queen as a colleague, or as a boss. You might be friends with a drama queen – and over time you’re finding their behaviour more toxic and draining.

Breaking up with a drama queen

One thing to be careful of is the fact that when you break up with a drama queen (whether they’re a friend, lover or colleague) they may make a big fuss over it and make your life hell. That’s what drama queens do best, right?

This means, that when you’re planning on finally “cutting the cord” with someone who is a drama queen, you need to steel yourself spiritually, emotionally and mentally. But getting a drama queen out of your life will be something that you thank yourself for in the long run.