34 Signs Your Clothes are Giving You that You’re Getting Old

1. Your clothes have more structure
2. You know what suits your figure
3. You don’t wear anything that is too tight across certain areas, because it’s unflattering
4. You have to admit that there are some clothing options you’re just too old for, like legwarmers, cheap chain store tube dresses and sparkles on day wear
5. The music in the cheap clothes store where you used to shop is too loud, and you tell the sales assistant so
6. Your hair in thinning, but still cute
7. Your feet hurt when you wear shoes the wrong size and you CARE
8. Your bras need thick straps and underwire because this has become more comfortable
9. The last sales assistant you asked had no idea what ‘bootleg cut’ pants were
10. You have broken capillaries, and laser does nothing
11. You’ve started to sleep in underpants (rather than the nude)
12. You sometimes look in old lady shops for work wear at sales time
13. Funky ‘op shops’ and ‘thrift stores’ just look like overpriced crap to you now
14. You have a whole cupboard just for gym gear
15. You need to wear makeup or people ask if you’re ‘sick’
16. Your boyfriend looks like an old man when he snores
17. You have a pair of Gucci shoes older than your youngest cousin
18. You bought something that doesn’t fit properly on sale. Rather than trying to sew it/adjust it/squeeze into it – you give it to your thinner sister
19. You bought a pair of flat office shoes – and damn! They’re comfortable
20. Sales assistants look like children, like babies! Should they even be out of the house?
21. A chin hair. I’m not kidding.
22. You don’t wear clothes that are too revealing, not because you don’t want to – because it scares people
23. You wear hosiery
24. You wonder why anyone would wear fake tan, hair extensions’ or get botox
25. Shit – do I need botox?
26. Do I?
27. Is that another wrinkle?
28. Your boobs get bigger every year – even though you aren’t gaining weight
29. You shop at the same four stores because everything fits there
30. You have clothes in small, extra small, medium, extra large and large crammed in your closet
31. Your bikini also has underwire
32. You have to force yourself not to buy cheap, tacky costume jewellery – because it’s taking over your life
33. When you find something that suits you, you go back and buy three more
34. You love looking at older Hollywood celebs and tell yourself, “well if Demi still looks that good…”


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