Do you need to heal your relationship with money? So many people I know have a bad relationship with money; they spend too much, don’t earn enough, are in debt and bury their heads in the sand; refusing to acknowledge the problem. And the worst thing is – their problems are snowballing every day. A money problem ignored is a money problem multiplied.
My darling husband is in debt – which incidentally means that I am in debt as well (have you heard of Sexually Transmitted Debt?), despite never having spent any of the money he’s now got to pay back, as the debts were incurred before our marriage. He (like many people) has a credit card debt, which he has let fester, which is now growing year on year. He also has a government loan which he needs to pay back, which is accruing interest. Teamed with the fact that he is under-employed; this has created a big problem for him, and now for us.
Do you really need to heal your relationship with money?
The truth of the matter is, your relationship with money is a huge factor when it comes to how much you have. If you have a poor relationship with money, there’s every chance you’re not going to have much of it; or you’ll at least struggle to keep it when you do get some.
If you, like him, need some advice on your finances, then there are a few simple things you can do (right away) to heal your relationship with money. Remember, getting proper financial advice is paramount for the important issues in life, such as signing on to study, getting a loan, applying for a mortgage or investing in the stock market. Here are a few ideas, but make sure you get proper financial advice and always get a second opinion.
Combat depressing self-talk
It might sound obvious, but constantly telling yourself that you are “bad with money”, and “in debt” might have a negative effect on your finances. Really try to get to the core of your beliefs around money so you can work on changing them and making them more positive.
Bear in mind that you may have picked up some of your beliefs from your parents, so it could help to look at their attitudes towards money. When you think a negative thought around money, back it up with a positive mantra. Say, “I am getting on top of my finances, one day at a time.”
Tackle the tough money talk with your partner
Even though my husband “The Boyf” has debt, he is very thrifty and a good saver. He doesn’t buy anything he doesn’t need and he is an excellent bargain shopper, and is not wasteful. Being on the same page as your partner, especially if you are married, is so important. Some couples even go so far as to create a binding financial agreement to lay out who owns what in the event of a break up.
Sure, pre-nuptial agreements are not “romantic” but they might be a wise choice in the long run, and can be a great thing to have in place if both parties come to the relationship with significant assets, and have dependents.
Give yourself a daily budget – and stick to it!
There are loads of apps that let you do this now, or you can be old school and budget your money by taking out cash and using a notepad to jot down your purchases. If you have a negative relationship with money, it’s going to affect your spending. Those in a ‘lack’ money mindset tend to spend more money on short term enjoyment and struggle to keep it.
When you have a better relationship with money, you make better spending decisions. Not only that, you have more earning power than before. Here is a great budget planner tool you can try.
Think “big picture” with your finances
“The majority of us take life as it comes,” says Dr. Carmen Harra, a clinical psychologist. “We are more focused on approaching events and current situations, we often don’t think in the long term. And that’s understandable, because the present affects us now. But broadening our vision can lead to better future plans, and more sensible plans in the present.”
Coming up with your vision of the future will give you a strong ‘why’ when it comes to your reasons for wanting more money, and a better financial position. “Our personal vision begins to manifest once we learn how to use our three eyes: the two eyes with which we see the physical world, and our mind’s eye which allows us to project far beyond now.”
“Finance is not merely about making money. It’s about achieving our deep goals and protecting the fruits of our labor. It’s about stewardship and, therefore, about achieving the good society.” — Robert J. Shiller