What are the most hurtful insults you can say to someone you love?

The most hurtful insults are ones that cut right to the core. Let’s start out be being honest here: you should never, ever seek to needlessly hurt someone you love but I know that lots of people search this question as my most popular post How to Deal With Hurtful Insults from Someone You Love is read nearly a thousand times a week, from people all over the world, including the USA, Canada, Australia, India and South Africa, to name a few.

Why are we are trying to hurt the people we love? The answer is simple; people criticize those they admire. When we love someone we have invested a lot of energy into them. This energy takes many forms: time, actions, thoughts, dreams of the future etc. When someone we love hurts us, it is natural to want to hurt them back. But is this OK?

I know what the most hurtful insults are because I have heard them all. Now happily married, I have dated a few assholes in my time, particularly my ex Joe, who was the world’s biggest asshole and a narcissist and an emotional vampire to boot. Here are a few of the most hurtful things you can say to your partner – take advice from Aunty Alyce and don’t use any of them.

I always thought you were too fat/ too short/ a bad dresser/ not very smart

What are the most hurtful insults you can say to someone you love? | Sad woman

There is nothing worse than someone stooping to this low chestnut. Imagine being in a great relationship for months or years, only to be told, “I always thought you were too fat!” It really cuts you down. There is a time and a place in normal, healthy relationships for a bit of constructive criticism – and I said “a BIT”. Be very wary when you criticise someone’s appearance or other personal qualities because we all have been carrying around hang-ups since childhood. Doing this is simply cruel and childish.

My friends/family hate you

Everyone but the most selfish of partners will take an interest in their lover’s friends and/or family. Being nice to the ones your partner loves is the best gift you can give them, along with love for them personally. If you plan to hurt someone you love, then telling them that the people you care about have “negative feedback towards them” can really hurt. It can make your partner feel “cheated” when you do this to them – as if the relationship was a charade, and not based on reality. It might also make your partner feel “ganged up on” and that they are on the outer.

I don’t love you anymore

Sigh. If things have been on the rocks for a while, then your poor loved one might be expecting this to come. Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever had someone tell me that they don’t love me anymore, more that the relationship wasn’t working. That said, this type of insult is often levelled at partners who have been in a long-term relationship that has undergone several transitions, such as a marriage that has withstood decades, children and debt. When you say, “I don’t love you anymore,” you are giving one of the most hurtful insults there are.

I have been deceiving you for (X) time

What are the most hurtful insults you can say to someone you love? Arguing couple

It’s particularly hurtful when we feel that someone we trusted has been acting deceptively. Deception in relationships can come in many forms; they may have been cheating, had an affair, or been concealing something else, such as serious debt or a job loss. If you really plan on hurting someone you love, then revealing that you have been deceptive will do it. The longer and worse the deception – the harder and stronger they will feel it. Should you always confess to bad behaviour? In fact, there are some counsellors who suggest that some deception in relationships is normal.

I am in love with someone else

Ouch. Oh the pain. Don’t tell me that. This is one of the worst things for someone to hear, especially if they are very invested in the relationship. Psychology Today suggests, “Grant your lover some space. Don’t expect to go from (breakup) to a friendship on the other end. Allow time for both of you to grieve, to get angry, to heal from wounds.” Although this statement might really hurt your partner, it is important to let them know when you’ve moved on. But do it in the right way, please.

I never really loved you

Hearing that someone you are in a relationship with “never really loved you” is incredibly harsh. This is without a doubt one of the most hurtful insults you can dish out. In most cases it’s not even necessary to say it – so don’t. Why do they need to know this? It simply won’t help them at all, unless it’s to move on quickly from something that’s not working. If you want to get rid of them for good, then you can consider saying this but in most cases, it’s simply unnecessarily cruel. Be a bigger man (or woman).

The most hurtful insults never change

What are the most hurtful insults you can say to someone you love? | Wife & husband

They’ve been the same since the Dawn of Time and Adam dobbed on Eve for eating from the Tree of Knowledge. Really before Eve even says ONE WORD in the Bible, Adam and God have a conversation about what she did:

“And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?”

“And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.”

Clearly Adam wasn’t a big fan of personal responsibility. Don’t be like Adam. If you plan on hurtfully insulting someone you love, think twice. Be nice and rise above. Treat others as how you would want to be treated, with respect and love. Tell me how you go in the comments below. I would love to hear your story.

5 Comments

  • E says:

    My ex told me when we were fighting that the summer she met me was the worst summer of her life. Which I knew wasn’t true at all. Lately she’s been trying to say I’m paranoid, aggressive and very intimidating. Heck today she told me bc I asked her a question that I was being awkward as ever and it was a bit weird. It hurts me bc I’ve been the same person all along. I don’t get how u can go from u r the best thing that has happened to me and I love u so very much to I wish we never met in a course of 2 days of good sweet talking.

    • Alyce Vayle says:

      Hiya E-

      To answer your question “how”? Well, humans are funny creatures when it comes to love. We are fickle, we are changeable, we are selfish. There is a Buddhist precept that suggests that the only true love we really have (if we are honest) is love for the self, which is a bit depressing, or enlightening, depending on how you look at it. It sounds like this is a reasonably new relationship – is that right? Often after 6 months or so, the “sheen” of new love wears off and we are left with the “real deal” – a person with flaws, as we all have. Your lover may come around, or they may not. This person is your ex, after all, so I suggest you move on and find someone else to focus your loving energy on.
      Take care, Love Alyce

  • sid says:

    1.Ma’m is hitting some on on the head with something heavy the “right thing” to do if she ignored you for 15 days??
    2. I think my age’s pretty clr to u . Now i ‘beleived'( i really did ) tht the relationships tht u have in ur teens cld last frever. But, i have come to learn tht inability to forgive and accept one’s mistakes can destroy auch relationshipa in a jiffy. Now the girl i was in a relationship with was my best frnd (2yrs or so) . We became super frnds nd then Bf nd gf . Now everything was A okay! Til last december . We had a stupid fight . I expressed my discomfort when she bought a certain someone a gift nd paid more attention to tht certian someone more than me during ur scl tour. Then it exploded it finally resulted in us breaking up. So far she has called me an unlikable idiot who is hated by all his frnds and told me everyone talk’s behind my back, tht I’m too proud a pretend’know it all’ and accused me of being direspectful to everyone older than me. I was heartbroken at tht remark(all msgs) . Now im at a stage where i wont be able to see her again as im going off to a boarding school this april. Even though she has insulted me ,ignored me for months nd has replaced me (shs not in a relationship. I meant my presence) i still can’t hate her. I dont know y ,i dont even clrly know whts there fr me to like abt her. Bt some part of me says dnt let a few -ve moments wipe out all the good ones. She doesnt get it ,dhe doesnt talk , look at me or even acknowlege my presence. . Cant go on. Cld u help me get over her nd attain closure

    • Alyce Vayle says:

      Hi Sid-

      Thanks for getting in touch. You know, you’re probably not going to like what I have to say but I think that this relationship might have run its course. She bought a gift for someone else, you told her you didn’t like it, you guys broke up. Then she started name calling you, and saying some really hurtful stuff (like all her friends hate you). Just move on. I agree that you should not “hate her” – rise above and find someone who respects you and loves you for who you are. I agree that it’s a good idea to make sure that a few little moments don’t spoil your memories of this person. Life is too short. Give yourself some time and space to heal and move on. Find new friends and boarding school and concentrate on making new plans for yourself.

      –Love, Alyce

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *