I am putting myself on a facebook ban. I am simply on it too much – often getting into heated discussions with people and driving everyone nuts. Facebook is a proper noun and therefore should be spelled with a capital ‘F’ and yet their logo uses all lower case – as a copywriter – that also drives me nuts! I have been told by facebook themselves to capitalise the word – but if they want me to do that – they can change their logo first.
Here are the 11 things you do that drive me crazy on facebook
#1: The humblebrag
Guilty of this myself sometimes, we all know you’re bragging when you talk about how hard your exams were, or how much work you put into baking those 100 cupcakes for charity.
#2: Gross shots of babies eating food
Yes, your kid is cute – but not with mashed banana spread on its face. Photos of kids eating gross food will make me block your posts.
#3: Your wedding photos
Ok, so I looked at them obsessively and now I feel jealous. I’m only mollified by the fact that one of your bridesmaids clearly hated wearing that dress with her size 16 frame. She looks how I feel: grumpy at you.
#4: School friends who are doing better than me
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Congrats on the new job/awesome husband/new baby/designer bag from sexy admirer. Why must you rub my nose in it?
#5: Cat photos
Honestly – your cat is really boring and not worth posting about – ever. I can’t think of anything your cat could possibly do that would interest me. You think it’s cute, but it’s just a stupid cat.
#6: Stuff about Tony Abbott and the Liberal Party
Only an issue in Australia, for my international readers, FYI, everyone seems to hate the new Government. Therefore I have to put up with about 100-200 posts per week about how crap it is.
#7: Photos of the beach when I’m at work
Well, how would you feel about it? Yes, it’s great that you don’t have to work for whatever reason but spare a thought for those of us that do!
#8: A photo of your coffee
Who cares? I have seen coffee before. A photo of your coffee is slightly less boring than a photo of your cat, but it’s still 9/10 on the boring scale.
#9: Empty plates
Empty plates (that previously held food) look really gross in photos. I don’t want to see a dish smeared with the remnants of your food. Eww.
#10: Videos that are tagged with, “…and then this happened,” or “….and my jaw dropped.”
Never worth the time they take to download and they also make me a bit angry. Please stop posting this crap about funny dogs or dancing grannies. I don’t care.
#thesearealways #reallyhardtoread #andprettydarnpointless #asifanyoneelseisusingthattag #pleasestop