This is a personal post about my failings a woman. These things that I am trying to attention are not everywoman’s problem – these are my problems and mine alone. But maybe you’re like me?
I would count myself as a feminine woman with a developed masculine side. I look very feminine: I have long, blonde hair, I wear makeup and I have big boobs and plenty of curves. But I am also outspoken, loud, brash and quite unnecessarily independent. I think that many women these days have lost the way on how to be feminine, myself included. At age 34 I have come to realise that I am the worst sort of ball-breaker.
I am trying to learn to listen to men more.
I know, I know.
I am a proud feminist, always have been, and unlike Beyonce I do not shy away from the word. I do not think being a feminist should be unattractive, but never listening to men, interrupting them frequently, thinking I am always right and not allowing men to every do things for me is becoming a bit of a problem.
Things have changed a lot for women in just a few generations. One of my grandmothers could not drive a car, didn’t go to university (or probably even high school) and had very little independence. She didn’t earn a wage or pay taxes. I doubt she had very much freedom or independence at all.
Fast forward 50 years and every woman I know works, buys her own things, drives and has some form of higher education or work experience. I’m not really even that happy about this, there are claims that equalizing the male/female ratio in the workforce is a great way to keep capitalism running and people under governments’ thumbs. Most women today have no option not to work – this is not feminism – this is capitalism. We are all cogs in the machine.
You think I’m being an idiot? Well read Capitalism and the Oppression of Women: Marx Revisited*by Martha E. Gimenez. “Feminism, to remain relevant to the majority of women, must, therefore, acknowledge that most women are working women whose fate, and that of their families, are shaped both by gender oppression and class exploitation.” (read the abstract here).
What I do wrong as a woman: The List
Interrupting men all the time
I have decided that I really need to learn to listen to men a little bit more. I have been practising this at work – by not interrupting male colleagues when they are trying to tell me something. Often I give my female colleagues more attention out of respect. I am not sure why I do this. It may be because I went to an all girls school and grew up in a female-dominated household (with a great dad, yet outnumbered). Or maybe I am just an asshole. I am not quite sure.
Being unnecessarily loud and boorish
I am very loud and it is not very feminine. I am trying to be more quiet and meek. This is very difficult for me because I think I know everything and I like everyone to hear what I have to say at all times. Needless to say, this can be very frustrating for those around me who know that I am often full of s**t.
Clomping around like a truck driver
I walk very fast. I have written a few posts on bad manners and how I march around very self-importantly. I don’t often wear high heels, simply because they slow me down and I like to push past old ladies and knock over mums struggling with prams and toddlers. This is not a great habit. It is nice to make people feel more important than you – this is a great way to be more alpha and less beta. To truly succeed you have to have genuine respect for others.
Thinking I am always right
The Boyf has pointed this out on more than one occasion and you know what? Despite my constant rantings I AM sometimes wrong and others are sometimes right. I am 34 years old and I have just discovered this. Had I discovered it sooner, I may have led an easier life, who knows?
Thinking that I must be smarter than a man
I don’t know why I genuinely, in my heart of hearts, believe this to be true. Of course it is not. Not to say that I am LESS smart than a man, but I often discount the opinions of people with penises. I have many strong female friends who I can rely on for financial advice, legal advice, relationship advice and career advice. I guess I just spend less time talking to men about the important stuff. I am trying to take the time to listen to the smart men I know and hear more about their opinions.
Thinking that men are much slower than me
Guh! I get very impatient when people are not as fast as me. The only problem is, I am often so fast that I make many errors. I get bored of things easily (things, not people) and I like to move through life quickly, jumping form one experience to the next.
Not accepting help
I DO need help often. I frequently get myself into tangles and I need help. Anyone who had to nurse me through a meltdown earlier this year knows how painful I can be. But I often need help with other things too. Computer problems, minor stresses, household issues, minor injuries… without being able to accept help I would be in a much worse state. Men can be very helpful in a crisis and I need to be able to learn to ask for help when I need it. There have been studies that show that people are TWICE as likely to help you than you think.
Trying to prove that I can do things (when I clearly can’t)
Yup. The other day I tried to punch one of those speed ball thingys that Rocky uses and I bruised my hand. I have just proven to myself that I am not Rocky and I should not try to punch things because I have delicate little hands and I bruise easily. I am going to get a cup of tea now.
What do you think of this post? Am I selling out to the rest of woman-hood or are my feeble attempts at diminishing my ball-breaking tendencies too meagre?