Do you ever wonder how you would fare in an apocalypse? I do. I am not a morbid person – I just quite like camping and I have often thought about how well I would go if I didn’t have access to running water or a warm bed and how I would feel if the world was ending, or civilization had been destroyed, or if everyone I knew and loved had turned into a flesh-eating, soulless zombie.
But what is an apocalypse?
According to Dictionary.com it’s “the complete final destruction of the world, esp. as described in the biblical book of Revelation.” There are many great apocalypse movies out there, and I have seen many of them. The new one out is called World War Z with Brad Pitt which features both an apocalypse AND zombies – a favourite combination of mine.
So how would YOU fare in an apocalypse?
Fear not, I can tell you because I have spent so much time thinking about it. Here goes.
Look at you. What do you see? Any broken bones, skin conditions or allergies? Do you wear glasses or need a hearing aid? Are all your limbs functioning? Do you have an infectious disease? Are you fat? All these things mean that you are likely to become zombie bait. What can you do about it? Sadly – not much. Depending how likely you are to heal or get better (a virus might heal but a badly broken ankle in an apocalypse is a death sentence) the only thing you can do is align yourself to a healthy person and hope they don’t abandon you – or turn into a zombie themselves.
If there’s ever been a strong argument for maintaining effective relationships it’s considering how you would fare (if injured or lame) in a zombie apocalypse. Even if there are no zombies, any injuries will affect your ability to survive.
Can you light a fire? Could you build a shelter? If you had to – could you hunt and kill an animal? Do you know how to find a water source – and most importantly – do you know the order in which to attend to these vital things?
Exposure is the first thing that will kill you – unless you find yourself in a temperate climate. You need to make sure the cold air won’t kill you overnight, or that you won’t die from exposure to the sun. The NEXT thing you need to be concerned about is water because you can die from thirst in as little as a few hours or a maximum of about 2 or 3 days. AFTER that, you can look for fire or food – whichever is most pressing to you. Do not eat until you have found a water source. Climb a tall hill to scope your surrounds (and to check for further zombie outbreaks).
How old are you? I hate to say this, but it’s the young, fit and beautiful who fare best in a zombie apocalypse. You can’t be too young though; Children are useless in an apocalypse and will just slow you down – save yourself the heartbreak and throw them to the zombies first. Old people – well, they are useless when it comes to the end of days, they just lie about eating everybody’s food. Young, fit, healthy and strong is what you need to be. And not too skinny! I personally try to make sure I am always strong enough to withstand a zombie apocalypse and that means keeping up the cardio and weights. It’s a small price to pay.
Popular – good Emotional Intelligence
Are you charming? Personable? A good leader? Able to take instructions? If so – you will do well in a zombie apocalypse. Your level of emotional intelligence is very relevant when there is no remaining law and order. Another thing to note is to make sure that you are on the right side of the current leader/tyrant. If the world is ending, civilization is under threat. Anarchy is probably presiding. There are no laws – your ability to charm and be conniving may be your best chance of surviving.
Brave, unafraid of death and dying
I am brave but I am no fool. I think people who would throw themselves out of a plane for no reason are crazy. You need to be brave if the world is being overrun by zombies, but you also need to be smart. Don’t try to be a hero, admit that you’re scared, find a mentor, and don’t think – ACT.
The end of the world is no place for pussies – and by that I do not wish to denigrate women or cats, but you get me drift.
Finally – in the words of Roger Zelazny: “Don’t wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.”